Glenora Psychology Tip Sheets

Have you ever heard the saying, “You can stuff your sorrys in a sack”? It generally means that the person who makes the comment is tired of hearing the apologies of the other person. This is a very common feeling when relationships are at the point of breaking down. The words, “I’m sorry” have become meaningless and instead of inspiring reconciliation, these words have become a source of anger and mistrust. A true apology means more than just saying that you are sorry. Everyone needs to know how to apologize. Personal and business relationships are complicated and you can inadvertently offend or hurt another person. There are times when you are wrong, when you break a promise, or when you say or do something that causes emotional and sometimes even physical pain to another person. Whether your behavior was intentional or unintentional, you must apologize if you want to maintain…

Patience is one of the most difficult qualities to develop in this fast paced and impatient world. We want everything, we want it our way, and we want it now! We think that if we slow down we’ll fall behind. Occasional impatience is natural, but if it becomes a habit, it can make us ill. Impatience contributes to feelings of anxiety, anger, dissatisfaction, and failure. It can ruin relationships with friends, partners, co-workers, and children. Being impatient is not an attractive quality and results in feelings of guilt for your out-of-control behavior. Being impatient can get you into real trouble. It can make you physically ill. When you’re impatient, you view life as a chore; the task in front of you is something to get done and over with. When you’re impatient you’re trying to rush into the future, and in your rushing, you miss out on being in the…

It is true that opposites attract. People who like to please are frequently drawn to people who like to control others. Pleasers have certain personality characteristics that are developed in childhood. They are often perfectionists who were influenced by very demanding parental expectations and/or criticism. Pleasers often, but not necessarily come from unhappy homes with high conflict or emotionally distant parents. The parents offered little affection, attention or support. Pleasers develop the behavior pattern of constantly trying to please others in order to avoid the displeasure of others and to get the important people in their lives to love them. Pleasers are usually willing to settle for small favors. They are used to not getting what they want so they don’t ask for much out of life. They often struggle with depression. Pleasers will put up with being treated poorly because they don’t feel they deserve any better. They seldom…

Here is a list of some of the most important areas that must be tended to in a relationship in order to strengthen the connection between two people. EMOTIONAL INTIMACY: We share our deepest feelings with each other. SEXUAL INTIMACY: We express warmth and tenderness towards one another and physically connect with each other in sexual and non-sexual ways. FINANCIAL INTIMACY: We share common financial values and goals. COMMUNICATION INTIMACY: We are open and honest with each other and we listen respectfully to one another. INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY: We share thoughts and ideas with each other. SPIRITUAL INTIMACY: We understand what is essential to each other and seek to bring out the best in each other as we create meaning in our lives. CONFLICT INTIMACY: We are willing to express, discuss, and negotiate our differences and ensure that there is room for both of us in the relationship. CRISIS INTIMACY: When problems, pain, and tragedy occur, we turn towards…

Too many relationships are torn apart by angry words, hurt feelings, or foolish pride. The ongoing conflict results in bitterness and being separated from the people that matter the most to you. The intensity of your hurt or anger towards another is a measure of the depth of the feeling you have for this person. When your feelings are this powerful, you must realize that you do care. This is an important relationship to you. It is so important that you have to do something about your feelings. The key to resolving your feelings and mending the relationship is forgiveness. I can tell you how to use this key, but you must have the courage to use it. The essence of pride is the belief that you are right and others are wrong. The other person’s words or actions have hurt you. They have wronged you. You’ve gotten revenge by…

Demonstrating Desire, Belief, and Commitment Couples who have a successful relationship want to be together, believe in the rightness of their relationship, and are committed to their life together. They are not ambivalent about their relationship; they have chosen to be fully involved with each other. They don’t head for the door at the first sign of trouble and they don’t turn away from each other when the going gets tough. When they run into a problem or conflict they stick together, roll up their sleeves and work together to get through the challenge. Because they want to be together and believe in the strength of their love for one another, they refuse to let the inevitable obstacles within a relationship defeat them. They believe they can be happy together and that a joyful relationship is possible. And then they set out to make it happen. Demonstrating Benevolence, Kindness, and…

Trust is an essential ingredient in a healthy, strong, and satisfying relationship. We enter into relationships believing that it is a level playing field and that both of us are at the same starting point as we begin to build trust in the relationship. This isn’t true. There are numerous factors that contribute to our willingness and ability to trust another person. Many of these factors have nothing to do with our experience in our present relationship but emerge out of what we bring into the relationship. If trust is an issue for you, start by looking at your early relationships with the most influential people in your life – your parents and/or other significant people in your childhood. All of us come into this world in a completely helpless and dependent state. Our very survival depends on the ability and willingness of the people around us to meet our…

Strategies for Resolving Conflict There are several alternative processes that can be accessed to resolve disputes between individuals or groups. One alternative for conflict resolution is that of arbitration. The term arbitration is used when those in dispute agree to place the decision-making process in the hands of an individual or a group with the authority to make a final decision after each person in dispute has had a chance to fully present his or her case. Arbitration provides opportunities for preserving and debating the merits of the opposing viewpoints. The arbitration process allows for written and verbal presentations of the issues without the constraints inherent in litigation. Evidence is usually presented on a more informal basis, legal counsel may be included in the process, and the process is adversarial in nature. The Arbitration Act governs the arbitration process and the arbitrator’s decision is final and binding on both parties….

Definition: Bullying involves physical and emotional behaviours that are intentional, controlling and hurtful. Bullying is a serious problem that creates a climate of harassment and fear. Victims experience a sense of isolation and loss of self-confidence. Those who bully face rejection, school failure and antisocial behaviour patterns that can continue well into adulthood. Examples: Physical bullying: hitting, poking, shoving, jabbing, fighting, unwanted touching, blocking, stealing, writing graffiti about others, pinching, chasing and cornering, tripping and vandalizing. Emotional bullying: making fun of others, incessant teasing, name-calling, threatening, mocking, putting down, punching, making offensive racial or sexual comments, ganging up on others, belittling, excluding others from a group or activity, shunning, ignoring and lying. General Information on Bullying Bullying is a society problem, not just a school problem. The strongest influence on children’s behaviour is not the school or what they watch on television, it is the behaviour they observe within their…

To be emotionally sensitive is to be aware of your own feelings and the feelings of others. Emotional sensitivity is a necessary building block for close, satisfying relationships. But some people are too sensitive. It’s like trying to get close to a porcupine. If you are too sensitive, you have little awareness of the depths of your own feelings except to know that your emotions are powerful and painful. You are particularly aware of how the behaviour of others affects you. If you are too sensitive you take things personally, you often react defensively to other people, you judge others as being hurtful to you, and your primary interest is in your own experience rather than in what the other person is thinking or feeling. An overly sensitive person is someone who has been hurt in important childhood relationships. There is great difficulty with trust and closeness and an unconscious…