Glenora Psychology Tip Sheets

Category Archives: Relationships

Why Do So Many Relationships Fall Apart?

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Building and maintaining satisfying relationships is one of the hardest things we do in life. Strong and healthy relationships require dedicated effort, a willingness to learn some essential skills and attitudes, and an ability to change and grow over time. Too many relationships fall apart because people take them for granted and don’t pay attention to them. Once the initial courtship is over and the relationship is secured, it is too easy to fall into a routine with your partner and focus on other aspects of life. Many relationships fall apart because people simply do not understand what it takes to keep a relationship working for both partners. A relationship is a living thing and like any other living thing, it must be tended to, nurtured, and provided with the essential ingredients for survival. Tending to a relationship means that you notice when there is a problem and then you…

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The Value of Friendship

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Good friends are vitally important to your mental health and to the quality of your life. To live and to love are inseparable from each other. Friendship is an opportunity to love, to learn about yourself, to mature as a human being, and to open up to the full experience of life. To seek true friendship, you must have the courage to risk all that you are. You must have the courage to walk through your fear of emotional intimacy and let another person know who you really are on the inside. On a very practical level, you must be willing to invest the necessary time and effort to develop, nourish, and maintain the bonds of a strong relationship. Here is what you have to do if you want to turn an aquaintance into a friend and a friend into a close friend. The eight key qualities you must demonstrate…

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Think Before You Speak

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Speaking before you think is a bad habit that can get you into trouble and hurt you in the most important areas of your life. Relationships will suffer or end, your career will be stalled at a level far below your talents, and most importantly, you will have little confidence in yourself. Your speech shapes your life. Time and again you find yourself in situations where the outcome depends on what you say and how you say it. Your words are a reflection of who you are. If your words are getting you into trouble, you’re showing others the very worst parts of you. You’re presenting yourself as being thoughtless, careless or just plain hurtful. Not only do your words create a positive or negative reaction in the world around you; your speech influences your thinking and can alter the course of your future. Your words are a way of…

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A Sack Full of Sorrys: What it Means to Truly Apologize

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Have you ever heard the saying, “You can stuff your sorrys in a sack”? It generally means that the person who makes the comment is tired of hearing the apologies of the other person. This is a very common feeling when relationships are at the point of breaking down. The words, “I’m sorry” have become meaningless and instead of inspiring reconciliation, these words have become a source of anger and mistrust. A true apology means more than just saying that you are sorry. Everyone needs to know how to apologize. Personal and business relationships are complicated and you can inadvertently offend or hurt another person. There are times when you are wrong, when you break a promise, or when you say or do something that causes emotional and sometimes even physical pain to another person. Whether your behavior was intentional or unintentional, you must apologize if you want to maintain…

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The Quality of Patience

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Patience is one of the most difficult qualities to develop in this fast paced and impatient world. We want everything, we want it our way, and we want it now! We think that if we slow down we’ll fall behind. Occasional impatience is natural, but if it becomes a habit, it can make us ill. Impatience contributes to feelings of anxiety, anger, dissatisfaction, and failure. It can ruin relationships with friends, partners, co-workers, and children. Being impatient is not an attractive quality and results in feelings of guilt for your out-of-control behavior. Being impatient can get you into real trouble. It can make you physically ill. When you’re impatient, you view life as a chore; the task in front of you is something to get done and over with. When you’re impatient you’re trying to rush into the future, and in your rushing, you miss out on being in the…

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Pleasers and Controllers

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It is true that opposites attract. People who like to please are frequently drawn to people who like to control others. Pleasers have certain personality characteristics that are developed in childhood. They are often perfectionists who were influenced by very demanding parental expectations and/or criticism. Pleasers often, but not necessarily come from unhappy homes with high conflict or emotionally distant parents. The parents offered little affection, attention or support. Pleasers develop the behavior pattern of constantly trying to please others in order to avoid the displeasure of others and to get the important people in their lives to love them. Pleasers are usually willing to settle for small favors. They are used to not getting what they want so they don’t ask for much out of life. They often struggle with depression. Pleasers will put up with being treated poorly because they don’t feel they deserve any better. They seldom…

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Intimate Connections

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Here is a list of some of the most important areas that must be tended to in a relationship in order to strengthen the connection between two people. EMOTIONAL INTIMACY: We share our deepest feelings with each other. SEXUAL INTIMACY: We express warmth and tenderness towards one another and physically connect with each other in sexual and non-sexual ways. FINANCIAL INTIMACY: We share common financial values and goals. COMMUNICATION INTIMACY: We are open and honest with each other and we listen respectfully to one another. INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY: We share thoughts and ideas with each other. SPIRITUAL INTIMACY: We understand what is essential to each other and seek to bring out the best in each other as we create meaning in our lives. CONFLICT INTIMACY: We are willing to express, discuss, and negotiate our differences and ensure that there is room for both of us in the relationship. CRISIS INTIMACY: When problems, pain, and tragedy occur, we turn towards…

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Forgiveness

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Too many relationships are torn apart by angry words, hurt feelings, or foolish pride. The ongoing conflict results in bitterness and being separated from the people that matter the most to you. The intensity of your hurt or anger towards another is a measure of the depth of the feeling you have for this person. When your feelings are this powerful, you must realize that you do care. This is an important relationship to you. It is so important that you have to do something about your feelings. The key to resolving your feelings and mending the relationship is forgiveness. I can tell you how to use this key, but you must have the courage to use it. The essence of pride is the belief that you are right and others are wrong. The other person’s words or actions have hurt you. They have wronged you. You’ve gotten revenge by…

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The Essential Ingredients of a Successful Relationship

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Demonstrating Desire, Belief, and Commitment Couples who have a successful relationship want to be together, believe in the rightness of their relationship, and are committed to their life together. They are not ambivalent about their relationship; they have chosen to be fully involved with each other. They don’t head for the door at the first sign of trouble and they don’t turn away from each other when the going gets tough. When they run into a problem or conflict they stick together, roll up their sleeves and work together to get through the challenge. Because they want to be together and believe in the strength of their love for one another, they refuse to let the inevitable obstacles within a relationship defeat them. They believe they can be happy together and that a joyful relationship is possible. And then they set out to make it happen. Demonstrating Benevolence, Kindness, and…

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Developing Trust in Relationships

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Trust is an essential ingredient in a healthy, strong, and satisfying relationship. We enter into relationships believing that it is a level playing field and that both of us are at the same starting point as we begin to build trust in the relationship. This isn’t true. There are numerous factors that contribute to our willingness and ability to trust another person. Many of these factors have nothing to do with our experience in our present relationship but emerge out of what we bring into the relationship. If trust is an issue for you, start by looking at your early relationships with the most influential people in your life – your parents and/or other significant people in your childhood. All of us come into this world in a completely helpless and dependent state. Our very survival depends on the ability and willingness of the people around us to meet our…

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